How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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