then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
