Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
