Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
