Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
