She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
