They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
