curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
