sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
