the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
