We named our party play list daddy issues
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
