It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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