Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
