Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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