yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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