i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I need a beard to bite.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
