All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
