my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
