I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
