i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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