hotel room ftw
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
