There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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