jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
