if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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