So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Too much gin, very little bucket
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
organizing the empties. That sober.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
