wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
