remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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