After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Drunk is a universal language darling
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
