Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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