Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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