I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
