She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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