She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
