she smelled like a LAN party
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
