matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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