I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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