Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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