At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
