I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm having to shit out rocks
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