you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
