I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
