Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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