she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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