This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
