Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
