Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
