I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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