Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
