i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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