Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
