jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
