So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
