Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
