Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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