All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
