I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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