I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm sobbing to NWA
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
