i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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