im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
