Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
