Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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