They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
