Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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