I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
