I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
