just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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