Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
