I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish you could order shots online.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
