when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I touched a dick in church today
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
